There is that saying – If you say you can or you can’t, you’re right! I think there is a lot of truth to it. One thing that I am convicted of is what we say with our mouth, we hear with our ears, I believe it is powerful combination. I believe that “I can’t” has turned into a default, passive language, catch all, lazy talk and we need to become more intentional with our thought and our language both.
The main reason this phrase bothers me is because it’s limiting and gives the impression that we don’t have a choice, and we do. Let’s irradicate verbiage that would indicate we are not in control; I know it’s not intentional but at the end it’s limiting. We all have 24 hours in the day, and the reality is that we make time for the things that are important. The swap I love for “I can’t” is – this is not a priority for me at this moment or, this does not fit into my current goals. I realize that “I can’t” can also apply to many other area, even when it comes to something as simple as a schedule, if there is a conflict you could say – I have a schedule conflict at that time, would xyz time work for you? My point is, put more thought into the words used, and my personal goal is to irradicate as much verbiage as I can that doesn’t serve me. I am not perfect at it, in fact, my ultimate phrase I loathe “busy” one of my team members caught me saying this week! The point is progress and intention. In closing, you CAN! Beth
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A few years ago I was on the phone with someone and they made a seemingly innocent comment, she said that she didn’t like it when a particular person said “I’m sorry you felt that way”…she went on to say that that particular person “made” her feel a certain way and their apology didn’t acknowledge what they made her feel. I felt like I had an out of body experience in that moment, I remember reflecting on the conversation afterwards as it exposed some real stinkin’ thinking which caused me to do some reflection. Whenever I have an a ’ha moment like this, my first sense is to check myself…do I do that? I will often ask those around me that are close for feedback to make sure I myself am not doing the things that I identify.
Let me unpack my three main take aways after that eye opening conversation: First, can we all just commit to taking ownership over our own emotional landscape please! People can and likely will at times in our lives attempt to make us feel all kinds of ways, but it’s our job to set healthy boundaries and to protect our own mind and heart. Someone can’t make you feel anything, YOU are the one who gets to choose. Second, we can’t assume someone’s intent. Many times, we take a statement or situation and when we don’t have enough information, we tend to twist the meaning to be something negative and something about ourselves. I can’t tell you how many times in my life I have seen assumptions be wrong, I have seen assumptions become very destructive in many relationships. I work hard to make no assumptions, instead I will ask more questions and, in the meantime, I make a conscious choice to assume the positive. Third, it’s not about me/you! One of the most freeing things I remind myself of, if someone is acting rude, they treat me poorly or are ‘trying’ to make me feel bad… it is a reflection of them, not me. When I keep this in mind, it also makes things less personal and it’s easier to manage emotions. Something empowering happens when you start to guard your heart and mind, you see things in a different light…things feel less personal and you find that you don’t allow yourself to sit in spaces that pull you down. Honestly, it’s even Biblical – “Protect your heart because all things flow from it” and “Take every thought captive.” Food for thought, Beth A little heads up on this topic, it’s a soap box for me. Likely because I have been on both sides of this coin and it’s something that I care a lot about for the people around me. I am going to speak to an overreaching theme I see in our society that I think many participate in subconsciously. I also want to acknowledge that we are all in different seasons of life with a variety of different demands, I don’t know yours. Please know I am not coming from a critical heart; and I am also not going to mince words.
I believe it becomes a quality-of-life issue when we choose to be chronically busy, in my opinion. I think for many of us, it’s time to press pause and do some serious evaluating. I simply ask that you hold some space to consider if this may be an area you may want to examine. In our society, many wear “busy” as a badge of honor, like somehow a lack of leisure time is now perceived as a status symbol. I see it differently, busy tells me that you are time-poor and unavailable. Busy tells me that you don’t take control of your days, the day controls you. Busy tells me you need to work on your time management. Busy tells me that you have a lack of boundaries. Busy tells me that you are not clear on your priorities. Busy to me is a symptom of something deeper that needs to be addressed. Being busy leads to life a life of obligation rather than of enjoyment, soon the things you love to do start to feel like an energy suck. You deserve more than busy! How do we stop the madness? Get to the root of the cause, I think it can be different for each person but here are some questions to reflect on… Do you need to start to plan your weeks/ days ahead of time? Do you need better habits/ systems? Do you need to get clear on what your core objectives are? Do you need to start to say NO or set better boundaries? Are you leading a loud life to avoid the quiet for some other deeper reason? Do you need to delegate or ask for help? Do you need to hire someone to help you? Do I need to be more proactive rather than reactive? Now, let me tell you, I know about heavy seasons in life. Starting an insurance agency from scratch was no small feat, it took a lot of dedication and time and commitment. Or when I had my kiddos’ 16 months apart…another demanding season. Those seasons will happen, my point is that ‘busy’ should not be your life theme and in seasons of heavy pour, I encourage to be very intentional with your boundaries. When I am going through intense seasons, my life becomes a lot smaller, I focus on keeping the main things, the main things. Leaders build slack in their day. One area in my Sunday Sit-down I have shared in the past, after I plan my week, I look to delegate or delete…this is to help make sure I am building slack in my days. I schedule my leisure first! We are MORE productive when we are not overscheduled. Let’s swap busy! Here are some alternative words I use because the word ‘busy’ just does not sit right. I will use… I have an abundant week! This will be a fruitful day for me! Today is full of opportunity! I hope you start to build some leisure into your day and seriously reflect on if you partake in 'busy' culture. Building leisure into my schedule is one of the best gifts I have given myself! Cheers, Beth |
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